Recently I met somebody that has dramatically changed my view on life and myself. He is unaware of this and had no intention to cause a drastic effect or even try to convince me of anything. He was simply stating his view on life and therefore triggered something inside me that brought to light everything that I have observed and unknowingly absorbed during my time here in Japan.
It seems that at 24 years old I would be close to figuring out my inner self, but no, it is not so. In one way I feel like I am getting old, as in, many opportunities have passed and the chances of many more coming are diminishing. This scares me; because I am not a sea anemone. I use this analogy because the sea anemone, conceived by sperm and egg or by hermaphroditism, is bound to a substrate; steadfast there until conditions become unsuitable. Only at that time does it detach and suction cup along the ocean floor to a more accommodating location. Although I'm sure there is a suitable comparison of myself to something meaningful out there, I'm going to just go ahead and say I'm like a plastic bag blowing in the wind. Nothing significant, but the potential exists. Being carried by the wind with no qualm about it. Fleeting from one location to the next. Although, a plastic bag has no mind to be selfish, and that's what I am. This person talked to me about how the Japanese hold patience as a virtue, something that Americans don't have. Also, how people live to help others and ensure that the people around them are cared for, before themselves. When I first came here, it was really hard for me to understand everybody working together. At many times I felt that so many people helping meant they thought I couldn't do it myself, that I was stupid or not strong enough. As embarrassing as it is to say out loud, and in public for that matter, I also did not understand people putting others first. It's not that previous to the conversation, I didn't care about people or want the best for them. Or that I only cared how well I did, I just didn't consciously put forth the unlimited effort to think about others before myself and act on that. A common theme amoung the gaijin was that, we didn't like sharing things. For example, if you buy a package of Pocky, you offer some to everybody around you, pass it around and eventually it comes back to you and you have a few left. Us gaijin were not game for that. Even if you did not offer, people would ask if they could have one and you would unenthusiastically let them have one. I am very ashamed that I felt this way. very. How could I ever feel this way when so many people have given all they have so that I can be sitting in this room right now? when they have cooked me meal after meal everyday? when they literally jump up from their work to get me something or to help ME out? I am so, so ashamed that I ever felt this way inside. BUT! I am so happy that this turnover occurred, whether it was because of what this particular person said to me or if it was just time for it to happen. I feel a clearness inside now and hope it continues without fail.
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